Ilana Voraschina claps her hands and gives a little bounce of approval.
"Very fine choice. We'll have you sorted out before you know it. All you need to do is answer the following questions, keeping note of which answer - a, b, c, and so on - you choose most often. At the end of the quiz this will reveal which Gypsy family you should run away and join."
1 You wake up to the sound of Mongol prayers, do you...?
a) Dress in your finest clothes and see whether the day has anything to impress you with.
b) What do you mean wake up? You've already been up for hours. There's far too much work to do around here to lounge in bed all day.
c) Listen to the name of each God being praised, nodding sagely as they get it right.
d) Smile at the thought of others having to be awake when you're not, then roll over and fall asleep again.
e) Put on your hat and swagger around.
f) Swig some tequila and head off to find some attractive members of the opposite sex.
g) Go and terrorise the Mongols for daring to make too much noise.
2 It is Brekamoly time, are you...?
a) Checking for poison.
d) Waiting to be waited on.
e) Enjoying yourself.
g) Scaring people.
3 A fight breaks out, do you...?
a) Rush in heroically to save your fellow Gypsies.
b) Stand at the side to see if anyone needs anything.
c) Remain stoic, your wisdom will protect you.
d) Run and/or hide.
e) Hope to charm them away.
f) Charge in foolishly and dramatically.
g) Kill everyone.
4 At the market place, something catches your eye, is it...?
a) A dashing piece of clothing in fine silk.
b) It doesn't really matter, you can't afford it anyway.
c) A scroll of historical relevance.
d) A man.
e) An interesting pair of trousers.
f) A horse.
g) Something evil.
5 Someone needs entertaining, do you...?
a) Whip out a flute and begin a haunting melody.
b) Quietly ask around to see if there's anyone available to be entertaining.
c) Gather everyone close and tell almost forgotten stories of the homeland.
d) Flirt until it ends up with them entertaining you.
e) Join all the Gypsies and guests together with some rousing tunes.
f) Offer round the tequila.
g) Order a public flogging.
6 It's time for Mr Steppe Alliance, are you...?
a) Not putting yourself forwards because it wouldn't be fair on others.
e) Jollying the crowds.
g) Far away in a much duller place.
7 It's late at night, do you...?
a) Find a special (or at least attractive) someone to wonder off with.
b) Wonder whether tomorrow will be any easier.
c) Go to bed early for a good night's sleep.
d) Stay up all night.
e) Tell jokes until you can't keep your eyes open any longer.
f) Party party party!
g) Dream of of the evil you can inflict on the world.
8 What are your favourite colours?
a) Black and red, of course.
b) Favourite colour? What a luxury!
c) Anything traditional.
d) Purple or blue.
e) Whatever colour your hat is.
f) Red, the colour of passion and danger.
g) Black and white - the colours of death.